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Post by RALPHE on Dec 23, 2004 17:43:02 GMT 11
THERE WAS A GUY IN A BAR ONE NIGHT THAT GOT REALLY DRUNK, I MEAN
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DRUNK. WHEN THE BAR CLOSED HE GOT UP TO GO HOME.
AS HE STUMBLED OUT THE DOOR HE SAW A NUN WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK. SO HE STUMBLED OVER TO THE NUN AND PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE.
WELL THE NUN WAS REALLY SURPRISED BUT BEFORE SHE COULD DO OR SAY ANYTHING HE PUNCHED HER AGAIN THIS TIME SHE FELL DOWN AND HE STUMBLED OVER TO HER AND KICKED HER IN THE BUTT, THEN HE PICKED HER UP AND THREW HER INTO A WALL.
BY THIS TIME THE NUN WAS PRETTY WEAK AND COULD BARELY MOVE.
THE DRUNK THEN STUMBLED OVER TO HER, PUT HIS FACE RIGHT NEXT TO HERS AND WHISPERED......
"NOT SO F'IN TOUGH TONIGHT, ARE YOU BATMAN?"
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Post by Twinamato on Dec 31, 2004 5:42:01 GMT 11
Poor Couple
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''
The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''
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Post by jeaniesing on Dec 31, 2004 5:55:05 GMT 11
(This is awful but I heard it at a party and it stuck in my head) Three old men were complaining to one another... The first guy said "Getting old is awful... I've taken so much for granted... now I'm in my 60's and I can't do the simple stuff... I can't even poop anymore! I sit there waitin' and nothin' happens!" The next guy Said "Nooo... your 70's are far worse... not only can't I poop but I can't pee either! Doesn't matter if I'm sittin' or standin' there... NOTHING!" The third guy says "That's nothin' compared to your 80's" then gets quiet... The first guy says "Why? you can't poop either?" The oldest says "Oh no! I poop every morning like clockwork at 6:30AM!"..... The second guy says "Well, can you pee?" and the old guy responds "Every morning 'bout 6:45".... So the first guy says "What;s so bad about your 80's then, it sounds like I should look forward to 'em!"... and the old guy says "Well... I don't wake up until 7:30...." |
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CyberCat
Mod 
Prodigal Kitty Cat
Posts: 437
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Post by CyberCat on Dec 31, 2004 6:02:54 GMT 11
Genies and Bottles A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball -- don't knock out any windows. They'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man sitting on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you - I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "OK, great!" the husband said." I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem - it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie replied. "And what's your wish, genie?" the husband said. "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." Neither did the wife. The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, "How old are you and your husband anyway? "He's 35 and I'm 33," she replied. "Amazing.... and you both still believe in genies?"  |
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Post by RALPHE on Feb 5, 2005 8:53:18 GMT 11
that genie joke is soo funny hahah ;D  |
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CyberCat
Mod
Prodigal Kitty Cat
Posts: 437
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Post by CyberCat on Feb 11, 2005 9:07:56 GMT 11
;D
yes, the first time I read it my sides hurt from laughing so hard. ;D
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Post by RALPHE on Feb 18, 2005 9:51:56 GMT 11
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ZelRiptha
Regular
Programming Parnassian
Posts: 51
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Post by ZelRiptha on Feb 19, 2005 10:27:24 GMT 11
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bexcwexc
Member
shp(o~-59;; b~0;; i~0;; u~1;; s~0;; a~0;; )
Posts: 13
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Post by bexcwexc on Apr 2, 2006 17:41:40 GMT 11
Once there was a priest who had a pet rooster. One day the priest lost it. So he decided to ask the congreagtion if anyone had seen it. First he ask, "has anyone seen a cock?" and all the women stand up, next he asks, "has anyone got a cock?" and all the men stand up, he soon realises this isn't going to help, so he asks, "has anyone seen my cock?" and all the children stand up!!!!
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:puke: